The Baby
by SKingList
Summary: Alternate ending to Season 6's 'Great Expectations
1. The Baby

A short one here, an alternate ending to Great Expectations so same time frame. Everything is true to that point; Doug knows Carol is pregnant but has honoured her requests that he not come back.

It's based on Blake Shelton's _The Baby_ with a bit of a twist.

As always, thanks to Jo, my Doug/Carol beta reader who has been with me since the getgo, Em, Breigh and the rest of my LJ ER Fic filter. This story is dedicated to all the Doug/Carol fans still out there.

Characters not mine, no money, etc. I have no idea about the hospital in Seattle but this works.

It's probably not legally accurate, but this is fiction :) Steven Rudkins is the lawyer.

E-mail me with any questions or comments that you may have. This may or may not have a _Part II_

--

The Baby

--

'Carol, Carol? Can you hear me?' Mark asked, panicking.

'She's still out of it,' Coburn said. 'I know she didn't want it, but we need to do the hysterectomy, now,' she added.

'I know,' Mark said. 'Do you want me to be the second signature?'

'Please. I'm going to scrub.'

Mark paced in the surgical waiting room, anxiously awaiting some news. He turned quickly when he heard the door open. It was Weaver. 'I just heard. What happened?'

'She started to bleed out after the second baby was born by c-section. Coburn tried to control it, but the bleeding didn't stop.'

'Is she doing a hysterectomy?'

'Yes.'

'Do you think it was...?'

'No, no.' Mark said, 'And Coburn said as much as well. It could have been a pre-existing weakness, exacerbated by delivery or...We may never know,' Mark admitted, one of the hardest things for a doctor to say.

'When was the last time you heard anything?'

'When they went in about...45 minutes ago,' Mark said, glancing at his watch. 'There isn't anyone around to get any more information.'

'Can Elizabeth find out?'

'She's not on. I left her at home with Rachel and my father,' Mark said, thinking that he really should call them.

'I'll go see if I can find out anything. You'll be here?'

'I'm not leaving,' Mark said, glad that for once Kerry was going to put her authority to a use other than antagonising people. As she left, he went for the courtesy phone, he knew Elizabeth would want to know what was going on.

After two rings, Elizabeth answered with 'Happy Thanksgiving.'

This amused Mark, and he said with a laugh, 'Hi, it's me. How's everything going?'

'We're surviving,' Elizabeth said with a laugh. 'How are things going there?'

'They could be better.'

'What's the matter, what happened?' Elizabeth asked, sitting in shock. David looked over at her, concerned and she raised her finger and mouthed, 'One minute.'

'She delivered Tess in the ER, but there were some difficulties with the second baby. They were concerned about a breech, and a prolapsed cord so they did a crash c-section. Her uterus wasn't firming up at all, and there was a lot of blood loss. Coburn is doing a hysterectomy right now.'

'And the babies, are they...?'

'They're OK. Two girls.'

'Any news on Carol's condition? How long has she been in?'

'Just under an hour, but I've not heard anything since she went in.'

'Do you want me to call in?'

'No, no. That's OK. I'm sure you've got your hands full there. I'm sorry I had to leave. How's everything going?'

'We're all doing OK. Tell me, should I come?'

'Not right now, not yet. I'll call you if anything changes though.'

'Have you talked to Doug?'

'Not yet. Carol was adamant that she didn't want me to call him earlier. For now, I'll wait, but I may call later.'

'OK, call me as soon as you know anything, either way.'

'I will,' Mark promised. 'I love you. Does Rachel want to talk to me?'

'Love you too. I'll get her now.'

A moment or two later, Mark heard Rachel pick up, 'Hi Dad.'

'Hi, Rachel, how's it going?'

'OK, but I'm bored. There's nothing on the radio but football and they won't let me listen to my stations.'

'You could talk to Grandpa and Elizabeth you know.'

'I don't have anything more to say. When are you coming back?'

'I don't know, Carol still needs me here. I'll call you guys when I know more, OK?'

'OK,'

'Ask Elizabeth if she has any books you can read,' Mark suggested. 'She loves to read almost as much as you do.'

'Fine,' Rachel said. 'See you later.'

'Love you, bye.'

Mark resumed his pacing, while waiting for Kerry, or anyone with some news. After what felt like an eternity but was in reality, only about 10 minutes, he heard the door open again. Turning around, he saw that it was Coburn and while she didn't look distressed, she didn't look as Mark would expect someone to look after a save.

'What happened?' he asked cautiously.

'She's alive, stable for now, but she lost a lot of blood. I won't lie to you, it's pretty touch and go.'

'Is she awake? I want to see her.'

'She should be waking up soon. You can go in, but please, keep it short? She needs to rest right now.'

'OK,' Mark said, knowing not to push Coburn too far. 'Thank you,' he said.

He slowly walked toward recovery, trying to prepare himself for the site of Carol, post surgery. Nothing however could have prepared him for the sight. She was so pale from loss of blood that she nearly blended in with the sheets and she had two IVs. On top of it all, she was still intubated. Mark slowly approached, trying to adjust. Just a day ago, Carol had been working a shift, and laughing with them, and now this. It reminded him a little too much of a scene a little more than five years ago. Quickly, he banished those thoughts from his mind.

He stood at Carol's side and gently took one hand. 'Carol?' he called softly. 'Carol, it's Mark. Can you hear me?' He didn't get any response, so pulled a stool over to her bedside. Sitting down, he began to talk about anything and everything that came to his mind, while still holding her hand. After a few minutes, he saw her eyelids flutter open. 'Hi,' he said softly. 'Did you wake up to tell me to shut up?'

Carol appeared confused, and grew frightened as she looked around the room. She tried to talk, but realised she couldn't. Mark could tell she was starting to panic as her heart rate rose. 'Carol, you need to relax,' Mark said, taking her hand. Thinking quickly of the questions rolling around in her head, he continued. 'The girls are fine, they are both in the nursery. Although Tess is wondering what to call her sister.'

This seemed to calm her a little, and then Carol pointed to herself. The toughest question, Mark thought. He could not lie to Carol, but could not tell her the full truth either because she'd panic. He was quiet for a moment, thinking of what he was going to say before he felt his hand being squeezed. Looking down at Carol, he saw a pleading look in her eyes. 'You're OK, for now,' he said. 'Coburn had to do a hysterectomy and you're in recovery.'

Mark noticed that Carol's gaze had drifted down to her midsection, and there was a tear sliding down her cheek. 'I'm sorry,' he continued. 'It couldn't be avoided. Coburn did all that she could. The bleeding was too heavy.'

Carol nodded, and again squeezed Mark's hand. Frustrated with her inability to clearly mouth intelligible words around the tube, she gestured for a pen. Knowing his time in with her was running out, Mark didn't want to take the time to get a pad. Instead, he reached in his pockets for a scrap of paper and took a pen from the chart. He put the paper on the clipboard so Carol would have something to lean on.

Mark looked on as she wrote one word

_Doug?_

'I didn't call him yet,' Mark said.' Do you want me to?'

_Please_

'Should I tell him what happened?'

Carol thought for a moment or two and then simply nodded.

'OK,' Mark said. 'I'll go do that now. Coburn didn't want me to stay long. I'll be back as soon as she lets me, OK?'

Carol nodded again, and wrote _Thanks._

'You keep the paper, in case you want to write anything ,' Mark said, leaning over to give Carol a kiss. 'I'm not leaving the hospital, so have them get me if you want me.'

Carol nodded, and squeezed Mark's hand in acknowledgement.

Mark stopped back in the waiting room to quickly call Elizabeth. 'She's out of surgery, but she's intubated, and ...' Unable to finish that sentence he said, 'She lost a lot of blood.'

'I'm coming to the hospital. Would it be OK if I took your father and Rachel back to your place?'

'Sure, they'll be fine. Thank you,' Mark said. 'I have one more favour to ask. Can I use the phone in your office to call Doug? I want to have some privacy when I make the call?'

'Of course. I'll meet you there?'

'Or the surgical ICU if they've moved Carol by then.'

'OK,' Elizabeth said. 'Do you need me to bring anything?'

'I don't think so, but thanks.'

'You're welcome.'

--

_I got a call in Alabama,   
said come on home to Louisiana  
and come as fast as you can fly.  
Cause your momma really needs you,  
and says she's got to see you,  
she might not make it through the night.  
The whole way I drove 80  
so she could see her baby._

--

Mark had several numbers for Doug, but decided to try him at home first. After getting no answer there, he tried his cell phone, which was switched off. As a last resort, he tried the Emergency Department at Seattle General. 'May I speak with Doug Ross?' he asked.

'May I ask who's calling?'

'It's Mark Greene. Please tell him it's important.'

He was on hold for a few minutes before he heard Doug, 'Hey, what's going on?'

'Do you have time to talk?'

'Yeah, I'm in the lounge. The crazies are staying with their families through dinner so it's quiet for now, touch wood,' Doug said. Slowly realising that Mark would not have called him at work if it weren't something important, he asked, 'What's the matter?'

'How much longer is your shift?'

'I'm on until 4, it's one here. Why? Mark? Tell me what happened.'

'It's Carol, there were some complications. You need to come.'

'Wh-what? I spoke with her on Monday after her OB appointment and she said everything was fine. What happened?'

'There were complications with the delivery, nothing anyone could have expected. The babies are both OK.'

'I'll call the airlines and call you back. Where are you?'

'Elizabeth's office. The number is 312-555-4333.'

'Sit tight, I'll get right back to you.'

'I will.'

Within five minutes, the phone rang. 'I got a flight. It leaves in an hour, I get to Chicago at 8, your time.'

'O'Hare or Midway?'

'Midway, I'll take the El and I should be there by nine at the latest.'

'Get a cab if you can,' Mark said, seriously.

'OK,' Doug said, the gravity of the situation sinking in. 'I'll see you when I get there.'

Of course Mark had known it was serious, but somehow talking about it made him realise just how serious it was. He realised the distinct possibility that Carol might not pull through. Not wanting to think about this, he realised he needed to let them know downstairs, they were waiting for news on her condition.

Not wanting to face anyone just yet, he again reached for the phone on Elizabeth's desk. When Randi answered, he asked, 'Who's around?'

'Weaver, Carter, Cleo...Who do you want?'

'Give me Weaver,' Mark said, glad that he wouldn't have to start from the beginning again.

Almost immediately, Mark heard Kerry get on the line. 'ER, this is Kerry Weaver.'

'It's Mark, I wanted to fill you in,' he said, telling Kerry what he knew. When he finished, he was met with silence. 'Kerry? Are you there?'

'I'm here, just in shock. I'll be up there in a minute.'

'I'm in Elizabeth's office, but I'm going to head down to recovery to see if they're going to move her. I'll meet you there.'

'OK.'

When Mark got there, he asked the recovery nurse about her status, 'Oh, you're Dr. Greene. She was asking for you earlier?'

'Why didn't anyone come get me?'

'We didn't know how to reach you. They said down in the ER that you weren't on today.'

'Damn,' Mark swore in frustration. Taking a piece of paper, he wrote down his pager number. 'If she needs me again, this is my pager number.' Taking a few extra pieces of paper, he asked, 'May I go see her?'

'Yes, but keep it short, she's still under sedation and needs her rest.'

'I know. When Kerry Weaver comes up, tell her where I am.'

Mark walked to Carol's bedside, and saw that she was sleeping again. He gently took her hand in his and said, 'Carol, it's Mark.' As he waited for a response from her, he saw she'd written more. Some; Mark, Dr Greene, and please call were ones he expected to see, but it seemed she'd continued when he hadn't arrived.

_Called Doug?_

_Is he coming?_

_I'm scared_

And the one that alarmed him, _I want to get papers in order_

That hadn't occurred to him, he didn't want to think like that, and didn't want Carol to either. After a few moments, Carol's eyes opened. 'Hi,' he said. 'I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier. They said they couldn't reach me, but now they have my pager number.'

Carol nodded and then pointed to some of her earlier writings. 'I reached Doug, he got a flight and should be here by nine at the latest.'

Mark was glad to see a relieved expression cross Carol's face as she started to write again. _Move me?_

'I don't know,' Mark admitted. 'I was going to ask the nurse when I came down but then when she said you were looking for me, I came right in to see you.'

_Thank you._

'I'll go ask now, but first, tell me about this,' Mark said, indicating her writing that had worried him.

In case, Carol wrote. _Make sure girls are OK. With Doug_

'OK,' Mark said. 'I'll see who I can contact.'

_Thank you_

'And I'll go check with the nurse about them moving you. I'll be right back,' he added, giving her a kiss.

He walked back over to the nurse's station to see Kerry speaking with the charge nurse. After waiting for a pause in their conversation, he asked, 'Carol is asking when she might be moved. Any ideas?'

'When Dr. Coburn came around earlier, she said it should be sometime between 4:30 and 5. She hasn't been around since, so I don't know if there have been any changes since then.'

'Thanks. Kerry, are you going in to see her?'

'Yes, I wanted to.'

'Then please pass that information on to her and tell her I'll be in when you're done?'

'OK,' Kerry said.

'May I use the phone?'

'Sure.'

'Do you have a phone book by any chance?'

'It's not the latest one.'

'That's fine,' Mark said as he began searching for the section he was looking for.

A few minutes later, as he was speaking with one lawyer who he'd pulled away from Thanksgiving Dinner, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning his head, he saw Elizabeth. He held up one finger and mouthed, 'One minute,' as he continued listening to the lawyer.

After a few more minutes he said, 'Yes, thank you. I appreciate this very much. I'll see you in about a half hour at the main entrance.'

Hanging up the phone, he thanked the nurse and turned to Elizabeth and gave her a kiss. 'You look wiped,' she said. 'What can I do to help?'

'Nothing really, it's just been a bit of a whirlwind.' Leaning back against the desk, he added, 'And it's not going to slow down,' as he spotted Coburn. 'Walk with me?' he asked.

'Sure,' she said, as Mark tried to get Coburn's attention.

'Do you have a second?' he asked when he got her attention.

'Just, I wanted to check on Carol and a few other patients.'

'Well that's good because I wanted to talk with you about Carol. She wants to know when she'll be moved from recovery.'

'If she's been stable so far, I'm going to move her to the SICU in just a few minutes. I want to make sure she's somewhat alert.'

'She is, and she knows how serious her condition is,' Mark offered.

'I didn't want to tell her. She doesn't need that additional stress while recuperating.'

'She asked me and I wasn't going to lie to her.'

'And just how did she ask you since she's intubated.'

'I gave her paper and pen. Please let's not argue. We both have the same interests at heart; Carol's health.'

'OK, I'll go check on her now.'

As she walked away, it took all of Mark's strength not to punch the wall. 'Explode at me,' Elizabeth said, taking his hand. 'My ears will recover more quickly than a broken hand.'

'I don't want to blow up at you, you didn't come here to listen to that, but thank you, I appreciate it.'

'You're welcome,' Elizabeth said. 'I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and I want to help you in any way I can.'

'You have, in many ways,' Mark said, hugging Elizabeth.

'I'm glad for that. Tell me, were you able to reach Doug?'

'Yes, he got a flight and should be here by 9.'

'It's good that he was able to get a flight so soon.'

'Let's just hope it's soon enough.'

Elizabeth inhaled sharply with surprise at Mark's comment. 'So that's why you were speaking with the lawyer?'

'Yes. She wants to make sure the paperwork is done.'

'Is that really something she needs to be concerned about?'

Mark nodded sadly, 'It's very touch and go, she lost a lot of blood and they're still worried about cardiac arrest.'

'I see,' Elizabeth nodded. 'I guess I just...I never thought.'

'I never did either.' Glancing at his watch, Mark added, 'I'm due to go meet the lawyer downstairs in a few minutes. Would you stay with Carol while I do that? I'm going to tell her where I'm going, but I don't want her to think I'm leaving her alone.'

'Of course,' Elizabeth said as they walked towards Carol's bed. Coburn had just finished when they approached so Carol was awake. 'How do you feel?' Mark asked.

'OK,' Carol indicated with her hands.

'I reached a lawyer. I told him I'd meet him downstairs and then we'll come up, OK?'

Carol nodded and wrote SICU

'Good!' Mark said. 'Elizabeth will be here and I'll be back in a few.'

_THANKS_

When Mark reached the main entrance he saw a gentleman standing there with a briefcase. 'Mr. Rudkins?' he asked.

'That's me. Are you Dr. Greene?'

'Mark, please,' he said, extending his hand. 'Thank you very much for coming out on a holiday.'

'I tend to be available, that's why the hospital has me on file.'

'It's a handy resource,' Mark admitted. 'Will today being a holiday have any effect on drawing up this document?'

'No. I have a document printed out. All we need to do is fill in the details for this situation and have it witnessed and notarized. It can be filed with the courts tomorrow.'

'OK. And what signatures are needed? The mother is here, and the father is on a flight from Seattle but we are concerned that he may not arrive in time.'

'Is he the man that the mother intends to have listed on the birth certificate?'

'Yes, he's her...' Mark paused, not exactly sure how to explain Doug and Carol's relationship.

'Partner?' the lawyer offered.

'That works,' Mark agreed.

'Then there is no problem. I assume no one plans to contest her decision?'

'No.'

'Then there shouldn't be any troubles.'

'Just one question. Does Carol need to be able to verbally express her requests or can she write them in your presence?'

'Is she a mute?'

'No, she's intubated, but she's alert and oriented.'

'It's no trouble.'

Mark stopped at the nurse's station in the SICU and asked 'Which room is Carol Hathaway in? I'm a doctor in the ER and this is her lawyer.'

'Yes, I was told to expect you. She's in Room 4.'

'Thank you.'

When they walked in, Mark was pleased to see Carol settled there, extubated. 'Congratulations,' he said. 'When did they extubate you?'

'Just now,' Carol said, her voice scratchy.

'I'd like you to meet Steven Rudkins. Mr. Rudkins, this is Carol Hathaway.'

'Pleased to meet you,' Mr. Rudkins said, extending his hand.

7:00 PM

Carol had been reintubated, much to everyone's dismay. Her sats had dropped to 82 on room air, and they didn't want to chance it any further. Of further concern, her heart rate and blood pressure had been dropping, yet there was no identifiable source of bleeding.

Mark and Elizabeth had remained with her the whole time, with short visits from others, as the news spread around the ER. While she was extubated, Carol had named her second daughter Kate, and the SICU nurses had looked the other way when they were brought in for a brief visit.

Carol was resting now, drifting in and out of consciousness. Once again, Coburn appeared at the door. 'Has she changed her mind?'

'No,' Mark said. 'She said she wasn't going to, that she'd made her decision.'

'Do you think it's a wise decision?'

'It's not my decision, or yours,' Mark said, pointedly. 'She made her decision and we have to respect it

'Think as a doctor,' Coburn implored. 'She'll listen to you. She won't listen to me.'

'She's heard both arguments, and she made her decision. She wants any chance she can have. You've worked with her for years, you know her as both a nurse and a person. Did you expect that she'd make any other choice? If you didn't want her to consider surgery you never should have brought it up.'

'She's a fighter,' Elizabeth added.

'Then OR 2 is open,' Coburn said. 'I'll have an orderly come down,' she added, before turning on her heel and walking out.

'I hate her,' Mark said, making no effort to hide his disdain.

'She's always rubbed me the wrong way,' Elizabeth acknowledged. 'I'm sure she's going to say no, but I'm going to see if I can scrub in and observe. Unless you'd like me to stay with you,' Elizabeth added after a moment's hesitation.

'I would, but I'd much rather Carol not be alone. Go. I'll be OK,'

'I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.'

Wanting to make the most of his time before the orderly came, Mark took Carol's hand in his and talked softly to her. 'I want you to pull through, more than anything, but if you need to let go, if you can't hold on, know that you will be loved and remembered. Doug is on his way to Chicago, the paperwork is taken care of, and he will love the girls and raise them to remember their mother. You are a great friend, and a great person. I will miss you,' he said, wiping the tears from his eyes. After a few minutes pause, he continued, 'Elizabeth is going to scrub in and observe, so she'll be there with you throughout the surgery and I'll be here waiting for you when you come out.'

8:30 PM

--  
_She looked like she was sleepin'  
and my family had been weepin'  
by the time that I got to her side.  
And I knew that she'd been taken,  
and my heart it was breakin',  
I never got to say goodbye._

_I softly kissed that lady   
and cried just like a baby._

--

The cab pulled up in front of County and Doug hurriedly paid the driver. As he pulled out his cell phone to call Mark, he noticed there was a voice mail message, but decided to leave it for now. Realising that Mark's phone was off in the hospital, he headed straight up to the SICU.

'I'm looking for Carol Hathaway?' he told the nurse.

'She's not here.'

'Where is she?' Doug asked, impatiently.

'They took her up to surgery about an hour ago. She hasn't come back.'

Doug took the stairs two at a time as he headed to the surgical floor. 'I'm looking for Carol Hathaway?' he asked the first nurse he saw.

'Are you friend or family?'

'Close friend. Please. I just flew in from Seattle. Where is she?'

'You should speak with the recovery nurse. Down the hall on the right.'

'Thank you,' Doug said as he hurried away.

The nurse had stepped away from the desk, so Doug went through the door into Recovery. Across the room, he could see Mark and Elizabeth sitting next to Carol. He quickly crossed the room, and as he got closer, he noticed that the tube down her throat was not connected to anything, and she wasn't on any monitors.

'NO!'

'I'm so sorry Doug.'

Wh-what happened?'

'She went into cardiac arrest on the table. She died about 20 minutes ago. We did everything we could. We tried to keep her alive until you got here. But we couldn't get a rhythm, there was just too much blood loss. I'm so sorry,' Elizabeth said, putting her arm around Doug.

'Did she know I was coming?' Doug asked, softly.

'Yes,' Mark said. 'Have you checked your phone's voice mail?'

'No. I saw there was a message, but rushed up here.'

'Play the message,' Mark said, putting his hand on Doug's shoulder.

-1 March 2003

Doug and Carol Stories

Home 


	2. The Baby Part 2

Eep! Another story that I've been writing for seemingly forever! Well, since the beginning of March when I finished Part 1!  
I don't know how I feel about this piece, so feel free to be brutally honest with criticism.

This is Part 2 of The Baby. This piece starts on the Monday following the Thursday where Part 1 took place. This piece is going to be different in that in spans a long period of time, with short scenes from the various life stages. I've never done anything like this before, but want to because I know I don't have the stamina and/or desire to stretch this into a long series that covers 20 years :)

In all honesty, I'm not sure how much I like the piece, but it's an angle that hasn't been done-or not that I've seen-and I want to.

To refresh your memory: part 1 was a re-write of Great Expectations, and what could have happened if Carol had experienced more complications with the twins' delivery. She asked Mark to call Doug, but he didn't get there in time.

Evelyn/Jake: my characters, the rest: obviously not mine. Holes in the Floor of Heaven is a song by Steve Wariner; I found the poem on the back of a memorial card.

Note: Yes, I forgot about Carol's mom in Part 1. She obviously would have been there, but since she wasn't and I don't want to write her in, let's pretend she is no longer alive.

Imagine Mark and Elizabeth's story post GE is true, yes, all of it. But no, I'm not going there. :)

As always, thanks go to Jo, my loyal Doug/Carol beta reader, Lorraine and those in the LJ ER Fic Filter. This piece wouldn't exist without all of your help. As always, e-mail me with any questions or comments that you may have.

The Baby 2: Life After Love

_I thought we'd grow old together  
Lord I sure do miss her now_

Doug was sitting on the edge of the couch. The house, Carol's house, was so quiet that you could have heard a ghost walking around. After spending the first few nights on Mark's couch, he'd come back here last night, he needed to think. It was difficult, as he could hardly remember spending time here, without Carol.

In his hand, he held the cards they'd passed out at the wake. On one side, a photo of Carol at the lake from a few years ago, and on the reverse side her name, and a poem

_A heart of gold stopped beating,  
two shining eyes at rest.  
God broke our hearts to prove,  
He only takes the best._

_God knows you had to leave us,  
but you did not go alone-  
for part of us went with you,  
the day He took you home._

_To some you are forgotten,   
to others just part of the past,  
but to those of us who loved and lost you,  
the memory will always last. _

_  
_Of course there had been the times when they were working opposite shifts, but he always knew that when her shift was over, she'd be back. Now, he realised, she'd never be coming back. This alone brought tears to his eyes. The funeral was in an hour, and then he'd be bringing the girls back from the hospital.

The girls. Not only was he a father again, but now he was a single father of two little girls. Two girls who would depend on him for everything, and would remind him of their mother every day.

The previous day, between the afternoon and evening sessions of the wake, Doug had gone to the rental car company to get a car. He thought he was going to need car seats as well, but then Mark had mentioned that Carol had bought them. Doug was surprised, because she didn't have a car, but then Mark said, 'We'd told her she wasn't going to take the girls on the El; that someone would be able to help her.' Hearing Mark say that made Doug think more about the amount of help he'd need to raise the girls, and on Sunday evening, he made a decision.

Looking at his watch, he realised he still had a few minutes before he had to leave. He dialed a number on his cell phone, one he'd dialed many times in the last few days. After entering his password, he put the phone to his ear and once again heard:

_Doug, I asked Mark to call you and he told me that you're on your way here. I hope I see you, but they're about to reintubate me. There was a brief pause as Carol struggled for a breath, and then she continued. I want you to know that I love you. I've always loved you and I know you feel the same. Don't ever worry that I didn't know, because I did. I want you to know I'll always be watching over you and the girls. I've taken care of all the paperwork, and I know you'll be a great Dad. Another pause, this one longer and Doug could hear her struggling to breathe. I love you and I'll miss you._

Despite having listened to it many times, it still hadn't gotten any easier, and it brought tears to his eyes. She'd known she was dying, but did her best to wait till he got there. 'I love you too,' he mouthed silently, wishing, hoping that she would hear him. 'I miss you more than anything.'

A few minutes later, Doug realised that it was time to leave for the funeral. He pulled into the parking lot just as Mark and Elizabeth did, they were going to ride in the limo with him. 'How are you two this morning?' he asked, locking the car.

'OK,' Mark said. 'How about you?'

'I'm numb,' Doug admitted. 'It's a balance of thinking about the funeral and the realisation that the girls come home today.'

'I think that's a normal reaction,' Elizabeth said. 'Are we still going with the original plan of us going back to the house while you pick up the girls?'

'I think so,' Doug said. 'I don't know how many people are coming but we certainly have more than enough food.'

'And I'm sure people will bring even more when they come today,' Mark said, as they waited for the funeral director to meet them.

'Are you two off all day?'

'I have to work tonight,' Elizabeth said.

'I don't have to work until tomorrow afternoon,' Mark said. 'When do you have to be back in Seattle for work?'

'That's something I need to talk with you about,' Doug said. 'But it can wait,' he added as the funeral director approached them.

'Good morning.'

'Morning,' each of them replied, not eager to refer to it as a good one.

'We're almost ready to load the car. Do you want a last visit?'

'I can't,' Doug said. 'It's too hard. I don't want to remember her that way.'

Mark nodded, 'She wouldn't want us to.'

'I've said my goodbyes,' Elizabeth added.

Satisfied, the funeral director said, 'I'll let you know when we're ready to leave,' and went off to take care of everything.

'OK,' Doug said. 'I have a favour to ask you two.'

'Anything,' Mark said.

'I've decided not to go back to Seattle. I don't know if you guys saw Carol's paperwork, but she left me the house. And.' He paused for a few seconds before continuing, 'I can't raise the girls alone. I need help. I'm not sure how the job thing will work out, but I want to try and stay in Chicago.'

'I'll help you in any way I can,' Mark said.

'As will I,' Elizabeth added. 'Do you want us to watch the girls when you go back to Seattle to settle things there?'

'I hadn't even thought about that yet,' Doug admitted. 'I just started thinking about this yesterday afternoon. I put a call in to my boss, and I anticipate him calling me back this afternoon. He knows I had been thinking about leaving. Even if Carol didn't want me to come back here, I was going to move closer so this won't really surprise him.'

'And I'm sure you won't have trouble finding a job. They hired you immediately because they know you're a good doc. Other hospitals will feel the same.'

'I hope so,' Doug said.

7 years later (2007)

Doug walked into the house just past 5 PM. Tess came running to the door to greet him, but Kate was nowhere in site. Doug had been lucky to find a great nanny, a retired schoolteacher named Evelyn, who enjoyed caring for the girls while he was at work. Having split the Clinic Director's position into two, he found himself working a steadier schedule than ever before, but still treating a wide variety of patients. He was almost always home dinner, and could count, on one hand, the number of times in four years that he'd not been home to put the girls to bed.

Although he'd never describe life as single father as easy, there was no job anywhere near as rewarding. He'd dated casually but found he already had the two most important women in his life.

Lifting Tess into his arms, Doug asked, 'And how was your day?'

'Good,' Tess said, kissing him. 'We made Halloween crafts.'

'Did you bring it home?'

'Not yet. We have to leave it there until Halloween.'

'OK,' Doug said. As they walked into the family room, Evelyn stood to greet them, and he could see Kate lying on the couch. 'Hey Katers,' he said.

'Hi,' she said, softly.

Putting Tess down, Doug walked over to the couch and gave Kate a kiss. Not getting much of a response, he decided to walk Evelyn out and then give the girls his full attention. 'I'll be right back,' he said to the girls.

'Good night Evelyn'

'Night Tess, I can't wait to see what you made in school. You too, Kate.'

'Bye,' Kate said, softly.

As Doug walked Evelyn towards the front door he asked, 'Has Kate been like that all afternoon?'

'Since I picked her up from Scouts and Tess from dance. She didn't want to talk, not even to Tess.'

Doug nodded. 'I'll try to talk to her. Thank you.'

'You're welcome, I'll see you tomorrow.'

As Doug walked back to the family room, he saw Tess sitting on the floor next to the couch. From the back, they could not look more like Carol. They had her long dark curls. As difficult as it was for Doug to learn to style it, they liked it, and he couldn't bear to think of cutting it. Sitting next to Kate on the couch he asked, 'So what's for dinner? Kate, it's your night.'

'Grill cheese?'

'Yes yes, please Daddy?!' Tess added.

'Sure,' Doug said. 'While I start, why don't you two bring your bags to the kitchen.'

As he started the sandwiches and vegetables, he looked through what the girls had brought home from school. When he saw a piece of paper Kate had from Scouts, he realised he knew what the problem likely was. A Mother-Daughter sleepover. Although he knew about these, they had been lucky enough so far not to have to deal with them. There were a few instances where the Mothers typically came into the classroom, but Doug had been happy to fill the role of Class Father. Somehow, he realised, that wasn't going to work this time.

'Do you want to go to the sleepover?' Doug asked Kate.

'Not alone.'

'I'll go with you,' Tess offered.

'It has to be a mommy,' Kate said, visibly sad.

Although the girls had never known their mother, they certainly knew a lot about her. There were photos of her around the house, and Doug's friends from County were often around, more than happy to answer the girls' questions about their mother.

'You don't want to ask Evelyn?' Doug asked.

'She's old,' Kate said, shrugging her shoulders.

'How about Elizabeth then? Or is she too old?' Doug added with a laugh.

'Would she?'

'I think she'd love to.' Doug said. 'Want to call and ask her?'

'Can you call?'

'I'll call, but I think she'd like it if you asked her,' Doug said.

'OK,' Kate said as Doug reached for the phone.

'Hey,' he said, when Elizabeth answered the phone. 'Are you in the middle of eating?'

'No, I was off today so we had an early dinner at the park. How are you and the girls?'

'Good, thanks. And you two?'

'We're both doing well.'

'Good. Kate has something she'd like to ask you, do you have a minute?'

'Of course.'

'Thanks, I'll get back on when she's through.'

'Hi Elizabeth,' Kate said, as Doug handed her the phone.

'Hello. How was school today?'

'Good, we did stuff for Halloween.'

'That's right, it's coming up soon. What are you going to be?'

'A nurse. And Tess is going to be a doctor.'

Elizabeth chuckled, not at all surprised. Whenever Tess, Kate and Ella got together their favourite game to play was dress up and they usually dressed up as doctors, nurses, or more recently, paramedics. 'I can't wait to see your costumes.'

'Can Ella come trick or treating with us?'

'I think so. I'll talk to your dad about it later, OK?'

'OK. Can I ask you a question?'

'Of course you can.'

'My Brownie Troop is having a Mother/Daughter sleepover next month. And it has to be a mommy who goes, but it can be any mommy. Would you go with me if you don't have to work?'

'Of course I will,' Elizabeth said, touched that Kate had asked. 'When is it?'

'November 10th, it's a Friday night.'

'I put it on my calendar; I'm looking forward to it. Is there anything special we need to buy for it?'

'I don't know,' Kate said. 'They only told us about it today. I can ask at the next meeting.'

'OK,' Elizabeth said. 'I think we should definitely go shopping for some new PJs though, how does that sound?'

'Sounds good,'

'When you put Daddy on, I'll talk with him about when we can go.'

'Thank you,' Kate said. 'Here's Daddy.'

'You're welcome.'

As Kate handed Doug the phone he said, 'Why don't you two go wash up and we'll eat in three minutes.' Putting the phone to his mouth he said to Elizabeth, 'Thank you.'

'You don't have to thank me, I'm happy to go with her. Can Ella spend the night with you and Tess?'

'Sure, I've put both on the calendar. And is Ella coming over Friday?'

'Possibly, I think I may be cancelling on dinner.'

'Oh really, why?'

'I don't know. He's nice enough but, I don't know if I want to spend an evening with him.'

'Fair enough, I've had that with some women I've met. Just let me know, even if you just want a few hours to relax, she can come play here. I'm off all day.'

'I'll do that,' Elizabeth said. 'And now I'll let you go so you can eat. Talk to you tomorrow.'

_And sometimes when I'm lonely  
I remember she can see_

Later that evening, after the girls were in bed, Doug sat in the living room reading a book. Well, he was holding a book in his hands, but he wasn't really absorbing any of the words, and hadn't turned a page in more than twenty minutes. In reality, he was thinking about what had happened earlier. It was the first time he really felt as if he was letting down the girls. He'd tried hard to be the best father he could be, and most times he felt he succeeded. But there was no way he could be a mother, not in situations like these.

And in four or five years, they'd need a mother even more. He had trouble enough getting through his own puberty, let alone helping two girls. Two women. They were going to be young women.

He found himself doing what he always did when he needed help. He looked at a photo on the mantle, a photo he had of Carol from the summer before she'd died. He'd flown to Chicago for the weekend, and they'd had a picnic at the lake. Carol had been about five months pregnant, and in this picture she was standing with the lake behind her, turned slightly sideways so you could see her belly. Doug thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

'Carol, I need help,' he said, softly.

'I don't want to take time away from the girls. But I wonder if not having a mother figure in their life is hurting them more than...'

As he trailed off, he felt that what he said wasn't totally true. Elizabeth had been a mother figure to the girls from the very beginning, even before she married Mark. And then after Mark's death Doug had helped be a father figure to Ella.

'But I know I'm not doing as good of a job as you would have if you were here. I don't know what to do in situations like this,' he added.

At first, he thought it was odd that he spoke to the picture of Carol. When he had gone to speak with someone he mentioned it, and they didn't think it was odd. He'd really never stopped. It helped, and didn't hurt.

It wasn't like he thought Carol was going to answer, but it helped to have an ear that wouldn't interrupt. 'I'm going to need your help as the girls get older,' he added.

At times, and this was one, he couldn't help but wonder how things might have been different if Carol had lived. Would he have given up the ER for Clinic work? While there was no doubt the two were very different; he'd found his current work to possess challenges and enjoyment he'd never imagined.

Would they still be in Chicago? Maybe Carol would have joined him in Seattle, or maybe they would have relocated to a third city.

One thing he knew for certain; they would have been together. He didn't know his son, but he knew from the day he found out about her pregnancy that he would be there for her and their daughters.

17 years later (2024)

_Well my little girl's twenty-three  
I walk her down the aisle  
It's a shame her mom can't be here now  
To see her lovely smile_

Doug stood in his bedroom, adjusting his tie and making sure his suit looked right. This day was going to be special, and he wanted absolutely everything to be perfect. He looked at his watch, and decided to head for the church since his schedule was independent of everyone else's.

As he pulled up to the church; he saw Kate's car there. She'd come back, of course, and Tess had spent the previous evening at her place so that she wouldn't see Jake on the morning of the wedding. The wedding.

Doug had never married, but he looked forward to Tess' wedding as much as he might have looked forward to his own.

24 years ago (2000)

It was just after the girls' first Christmas. Mark and Elizabeth were spending the day, and they were watching the girls as Doug put some of the Christmas decorations into the attic. Initially, he hadn't felt much like celebrating Christmas. It had been barely a month since Carol had died and he certainly wasn't in a celebrating mood.

But it was the girls' first Christmas; something he knew he'd want to have memories of. He'd decided to do something simple with some friends; and now he was cleaning up. While in the attic, he came across what looked like a garment bag from a department store. Curious, he'd opened it. What he saw shocked him. It was a wedding dress. He remembered enough from Carol's almost wedding to Tag to know that this wasn't that dress.

Surprised, he'd gone to ask Mark and Elizabeth about it. Mark was also surprised, but Elizabeth smiled a knowing smile. 'It was going to be a surprise,' she said. 'Remember when you asked her in September to marry you?'

'Of course.'

'Well she wanted to marry you, but not while she was seven months pregnant. She was going to ask you to marry her in the Spring or early Summer; when she had lost the pregnancy weight.'

Doug had tears in his eyes. Carol had finally been ready to marry him.

'With all that happened in the last month I forgot all about the dress,' Elizabeth admitted.

'I'm glad it was a surprise,' Doug said.

2024

As soon as the girls had been old enough to understand; Doug had told them about the dress and Carol's engagement ring. They knew that when it came time for them to get married; they'd each get one.

Tess was almost exactly the same build as Carol had been so she'd chosen the dress. Kate had been happy to take the ring even though she wasn't seeing anyone seriously.

Doug knocked on the rec room door and heard Kate call 'Who is it?'

'It's Dad.'

'Come in.'

The girls both had his eyes; but they had Carol's hair, and Doug couldn't help but think that he had stepped in a time machine. His two little girls had grown into fine young women; and Tess looked elegant in her mother's wedding dress.

'You look beautiful,' he said to Tess.

'Thank you, Daddy.'

'Do you need me to do anything?'

'I think we're ready. Your boutonniere is on the table. I think the photographer will be ready to do our pictures soon.'

'OK,' Doug said, reaching for the flowers.

Turning to Kate, Doug added, 'And what kind of mischief did you get up to last night?'

'We were too tired! We went to O'Ds and had a drink, and that was it.'

Doug laughed, 'Any news on what the men got up to?'

'You didn't stay out with them?'

'No, I left after about an hour.'

'I don't think they stayed out much longer; they all look well rested.'

'Smart men.' Turning back to Tess, he asked, 'Do you have everything you need? Old, new, borrowed and blue?'

'The dress is old, I borrowed earrings from Kate, and well...' Turning to Kate, they shared a laugh. 'Yes, I have something blue.'

Doug grinned, 'And what's new?'

'The shoes, all my cosmetics, the veil.'

'I think you need one more thing,' Doug said. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a long, flat jewellery box. Handing it to Tess he said, 'I love you. Congratulations.'

Opening it, Tess found a thin gold chain with a small yellow topaz. 'Thank you, Daddy, it's beautiful.' Leaning over to kiss him, she added, 'And thank you for everything today.'

'You're welcome.'

-August 27, 2003

but not posted until 5 October 2003

D/C Home Fanfiction Home 


End file.
